


The Pan-Universal Sex God Convention

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, Other - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 13:24:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3770018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big-time-AU-crossing-into-potterverse.  Various characters from both universes, living and dead, are brought to a corner of Potterverse for discussion of important topics such as Speedos, Pudding, Man-Panties, and exactly how Faramir WAS concieved.  R-A-U-N-C-H-Y!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pan-Universal Sex God Convention

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

"Post!"

Aragorn held his head in his hands.  He had enough to do today without answering letters from everybody he did and didn't know.  And Arwen was pregnant.  Again.  Which meant lots of chili peppers and even more peanut butter.  She wouldn't let him touch her, either.  He sighed and said "Come in!"  Instead of the usual messenger, Aragorn was hit full force in the face by an enourmous...

"...Bloody owl!  What's that doing here?  With a letter?"  Faramir massaged his sore scalp.  The raptor dropped its letter on to p of the latest plans for a trans-kingdom pizza delivery network.  Yes, it was somewhat nw age, but oh well.  He opened the letter and began to read.  "Dear Faramir:  You have been..."

"...Cordially invited to the Pan-Universal Sex God Convention."  Legolas blanched.  "That's the fourth time this week!"  Mary sue, now on about five months with kid number twelve, called from the parlor.  "No, you dolt.  The other three were from Fangirls.  Now get me a beer, it's halftime!"

"You can't drink, you're pregnant!"

"You whore!"  Legolas dusted his apron off and returned to the letter.  "Let's see... It will be held..."

"...in random moor 31b, England, Potterverse.  On December 4th.  Elrond, Elladan, and Elrond sat gobstruck.  "We've never been invited to a sex god convention before!  This will be just super!"  Elrond's eyebrows began to dance out of excitement.  Elladan turned back to the letter as Elrohir went for the botox gun.  "Life optional..."

"...Your original body will be returned to you at the gate, minus wounds, etc.  Well, that's fucking fantastic, but where's Potterverse?"  Boromir's ghost swished aroun an old cottage.  "I don't suppose I'll need to pack, then.  Hopefully I'll get clothes."  He returned to the letter.  "Please..."

"...No speedos, skin-tight leather, or open allegiance to any dark lord who might decide to interrupt our convention.  I knew they'd find a wat to thwart us, Draco."  Lucius Malfoy hissed.  "You mean about the death eater thing, or about those matching speedos that Crabbe, Goyle, Severus and I had?"

"I thought we vowed never to discuss those ever again!"  Shouted snape from downstairs.


End file.
